Got Gout?

If Henry VIII’s physicians had access to cortisone, probably two of his wives could have escaped the chopping block. Poor Henry must have been miserable with his overweight body and dealing with the misery of the swollen arthritic feverish travesty of what used to be a dependable foot, capable of carrying a person around, kicking the gong around, kicking up heels, sloshing through autumn leaves, tippy-toeing around, dancing the light fantastic, you get the point. Or even going from bed to chair. As for me, I’d rather give birth than have gout.

Gout: what is it, anyway? What a miserable name for a miserable affliction. Here's the definition, according to WebMD: Gout is a kind of arthritis. It can cause an attack of sudden burning pain, stiffness, and swelling in a joint, usually a big toe. These attacks can happen over and over unless gout is treated. Over time, they can harm your joints, tendons, and other tissues. Gout is most common in men.

May be, but I can tell you it happens with women, too. Did you know that if you have gout that it endows your foot with the ability to detect a cat treading across the floor two houses away?

Gout has a radar that can detect anything that moves, or even thinks about encroaching, into its space. The slightest threat of a waft of breeze within a mile and a half will send it into defensive mode. Don’t even think about coming any closer! shrieks the gout-afflicted appendage.

There is one saving grace to this malady. If they give you cortisone for gout, it will also relieve the pain in your back, your shoulders, your hands, everything else that suffers from arthritis. Too bad the relief is so fleeting; be thankful that it appears for even a little while.

A cold water soak helps. They say it is caused by too much uric acid in the system. The common understanding is that translates into too much of the good life, high eating, excess drinking, over-indulgence. If that is so, then what is a simple peasant woman like me doing in this picture? I suspect that I wasn’t caught doing something else I needed to be corrected for, so I was thrown this challenge just to test my character, my patience, and my pursuit of happiness.